Introduction
One of the characteristics of the Iranian society is the conflict and at the same time, the fusion of modern rational-logical discourses with Iranian and Islamic emotional-irrational discourses in different periods of social life. Along with the dualities in different social levels, the family institution as the most important social institution is involved in this mixing of mentality and identity both in form and mentality. From a structural point of view, besides the importance of the family institution, we are faced with the ever-increasing spread of divorce and the increase in statistics related to white marriages, while the dominant social and hegemonic body of Iranian-Islamic culture still recognizes marriage as the only appropriate model of sexual relationship.Within the family, we are faced with conflict and at the same time hybridization of mentality in various fields such as economy, sexual affairs, clothing, marital disputes, etc. Therefore, the life of an Iranian person is mixed with an amalgam of Iranian, Western and Islamic values, which forms a hybridized social mentality. Our problem in this article is to describe this fragmented mentality and its discursive dimensions according to the narrative that married men and women have from their lived experience of family life.
Materials & methods
The hybridized mentality as the main subject of the article is seen in a perfect way in Kristeva's approach in different systems of language, mind and society. Kristeva's cognitive model in this theoretical plan is the natural process of language denotation. In this process, "two sets of meanings and forces are present: pre-linguistic, emotional, emotional, sexual instinct, religious and irrational forces (semiotic)and the set of meanings or Social, intellectual, patriarchal, scientific and logical forces ( symbolic). According to Kristeva, any theory about language must also be a theory about the subject. Therefore, the subject, which is a result of linguistic significations, naturally contains these dualities and gaps and "is formed at the intersection of the symbolic (emotional-irrational discourses) and the symbolic (rational-rational discourses)".
The current research is a type of interpretative descriptive research with a phenomenological approach. In order to analyze the narrative of the lived experience of married men and women, this article uses the discourse analysis method of Paul G and Wodak. In this article, two important functions of the field of family life include "status of man and woman" and "child education" are described and interpreted. This research includes 22 married men and women working in the University of Tehran, maintaining the diversity of demographic characteristics, and the samples were selected purposefully.
Discussion & rsults






function


mentality

action
language




Modern rationality



Unreasonable, non-modern axis (customary and religious traditions)

















raising a child





highlighting


Education-centered awareness/educational freedom and children-centered choice/using counseling-based approach/strengthening self-control in children/intimacy-centered education/morality-centered preference over religion-centered education/equal participation and abstention authority of parents in making decisions about children's affairs


The centrality of direct parental control, the necessity of the existence of controlling authority/ religious upbringing and the implementation of religious rituals/ childbearing as the principle of the meaning of life and the main function of marriage/ the importance of the role of mother and father on the personality development of men and women/ the necessity of sacrifice for the child





Identification


free-thinking parents/self-centered parents/husband as a permissive and non-dominant man/mother as a fallible woman


Controlling parents/dominant father in education/self-sacrificing mother/other parents are child-oriented







Human to human relationship


Mutual trust of children and parents/relationship based on intimacy and empathy with children/conversation-oriented in solving problems/participatory decision-making by parents for children/communicative rationality in decision-making/freedom based on the principle of awareness/violence-avoidance education/easy religious attitude


central authority in the relationship of parents to their children / unequal relationship between men and women in making decisions for children / direct control based on custom and Sharia / physical and psychological violence / religious education with rules / authoritarian education style








politics


The need to educate children about sex/recognition of children's private sphere/religious tolerance towards children/the importance of religious education/criticism of physical and psychological violence/the need to use all modern educational tools/individual-centeredness and the priority of individual needs in Having children/having children as a choice/degendering the role of parents in educational matters


Religiosity and its positive function in raising children/controlling the relationship with the opposite sex/positive function of physical punishment and material desaturation/the need to have children as a standard lifestyle/gender-oriented approach to the educational roles of mother and father/gender-oriented approach To sons and daughters







action


Conversation-oriented actions, actions based on awareness and freedom/non-priority of having children in joint life/action aimed at the equality of parents in decision-making/tolerant actions in children's religious practice/utilizing psychological techniques and modern educational resources


Conversation-oriented actions, actions based on awareness and freedom/non-priority of having children in joint life/action aimed at the equality of parents in decision-making/tolerant actions in children's religious practice/utilizing psychological techniques and modern educational resources




Epistemological system


Analytical/rational/cognitive


emotional-customary/intuitive-religious

















function


mentality

action
language



Modern rationality



Unreasonable, non-modern axis (customary and religious traditions)


















The position of men and women





highlighting


Equal and all-round participation of men and women in decision-making areas/Mutual respect for each other's rights/genderless approach to housework and division of household duties


Feeling of inequality in decision-making positions/Gender-based approaches of women and men in financial decisions/gender-based division of family duties and roles






Identification


Tolerant man / wife as a tolerant and free-thinking woman / wife as a woman with economic intelligence / wife as a sexually abstinent man / woman with an independent identity / woman who seeks power, cannot be dominated / individualistic woman


Men who are fanatical towards their spouse/wife as a sexualized religious woman/wife as a skeptical, dogmatist, controlling man/dependent woman in decision-making and domineering/woman as an emotional and irrational being/sexualized men






Human to human relationship


Equality between men and women in different areas of decision-making/communicative rationality based on superior reasoning/understanding-oriented relationship and free from dominance in relationships/interactionism and conversation-oriented persuasive relationship/legal equality towards women (in men)/legitimization to the independent identity of women (in men)/participatory relationship of spouses


lationships / male hegemony in important financial and family decisions / mental abuse of the wife with a sexual dominance mentality / domineering in relation to the wife / legitimizing cognitive hegemony and wife's action in decision making non-sympathetic and non-supportive relationship of spouses in raising children and managing household affairs/relationship based on gender division of roles/seduction aimed at advancing material and emotional goals









politics


The positive function of the equal division of household work and the need for active participation in household affairs by men/deprivation of self-exclusivity in child rearing/degendering of authority in decisions/equal cognitive ability of women with men/central competence in decision-making/legal equality and reform of unequal legal laws/approach positive for women's employment/the need to respect women's independent social identity


A male-centered gendered approach/legitimizing unequal rights with a conventional view of women's emotional and intellectual instability/genderization in the issue of women's employment/referring to people in family decisions/masculinization of work spaces/ignoring identity Independent female/positive approach to dowry as a means of salvation








action


Action aimed at de-gendering/action aimed at the superior logic of de-gendering as a decision-making criterion/legal egalitarian action/participation and consensual action in financial and cultural affairs and childbearing/women's individual independence in communication/defiance actions and evasive dominance towards Wife's sexualized approach


Non-participatory tradition-oriented action/conversation-avoidance actions/action aimed at gender division of roles/gender-oriented authoritarian actions/instrumental action of sexual rejection as a punishment for obedience - sexual abstinence/sexualization of actions aimed at spouse relationship with the opposite sex/dominant actions based on legitimate gender/female exclusive responsibility in domestic work




Epistemological system


Practical/Analytical-critical/
rational


Custom-oriented epistemic system/
Sharia-based epistemic system




Conclusion
Relying on this theoretical foundation of Julia Kristeva, we described and interpreted the moments of encounter and the gap in the mentality of Iranian people according to the narrative of married men and women from the field of "status of man and woman" and "children raising" in the lived experience of family life. In the field of the position of men and women, the concepts of the two mental worlds of modern reason and non-modern reason shows that the actions and perceptions of women and men participating in the field of decision-making power and their position in family life stands in the middle of the two worlds of self center modern world and the traditional world.
The same hybrids of mentality worlds can be seen in the function of “raising children”. On the one hand, we are faced with the modern reason-oriented discourse, which has main components such as children's awareness and freedom, priority of ethics over religion-oriented visions, defamiliarization of definitions of the roles of men and women in the family, non-violence, participation and balanced equality of husband and wife in decision-making, and on the other hand, with non-modern, irrational discourse that has main components such as authoritarian control, religious education, direct control based on custom and sharia, sexism of mother and father roles and...
The subjects of this research are subjects with hybrid and fragmented mentality, who are living between two worlds worlds of the modern intellectual center (in which the source of knowledge is the individual and individual will) and the non-modern intellectual world (in which The source of knowledge is customary and religious traditions).In this research, we also aimed to describe and interpret the narratives and stories of the the moments of participants to show confrontation, and the gap of mentality and the blending of wisdom and nonwisdom areas of two functions of family life, named, “raising children” and “the position of women”